The Wine Life

So I decided to take a break from this blog for a little while and focus on developing my wine blog, http://winorhino.blogspot.com, since my career ambitions involve writing for wine publications (here's hoping!). But since I'm stuck at home, both sick and recovering from a sprained ankle, I thought writing in my normal ranting-type blog would be a fun way to spend my time. Goodness knows I shouldn't be drinking wine right now :).
Right now I'm actually working on an article for PalatePress.com about life as a young wine drinker. It's exciting, but tough. I hadn't written a news-style article in awhile and, I must admit, it's quite like getting back on the horse. I feel a little rusty, which is why it's taking me a little longer than normal. But it feels great to be working on it! I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Otherwise, just enjoying the beautiful Monterey CA weather and trying to prep for my French exam on Thursday. Bon chance!

Life's Little Surprises

I just found out today that my full financial aid went through, so all I have to pay are $31 in basic fees for the entire semester! I talked with the financial aid consultant today, and she told me that with this current fee waiver (based on my current economic situation) I could be covered for up to $4,000 in community college fees.

Now, that's only for community college fees, which are only $26 per unit. If I went to a university, she said, I would probably be covered for much more, since the expenses are so much higher. Essentially, I could potentially get full financial aid coverage for university.

Well, since I don't predict that my financial situation is going to improve that drastically, sounds like things are really looking up for me and my future at university next year. Hooray!

Sucker for Evil

It's hard to say what the appeal is to playing as an evil character in a video game. Wait, I take that back - it's incredibly easy to say what the appeal is, it's just really awful to admit.

I was a big fan of Fallout 3 - I didn't play it too many times, but when I did I could get lost in it for hours. I finally understood why all those gamers could spend 8+ hours a day playing video games. It's additive. Right now I'm playing inFamous, another fun game that I've spent a lot of time playing. It's the only game where I've almost caught up to Julien in game progress (I have my own game file, of course). Considering his deep love of video games, that's saying a lot.

What's unique about both these games, versus other games of Julien's that I don't enjoy playing, is that in both of them you have a choice: you can play as a good guy, or a total shithead.

Well, I guess I'm a shithead.

In both of these games my character has ended up as the most evil incarnate asshole imaginable. I've enjoyed enslaving people, killing civilians and destroying lots and lots of random shit. When I run around the inFamous universe, people scream and run away at the sight of me, yelling that they don't want to die. But they die. Oh boy, do they die.

It's very very very odd, considering my personality. I like to think of myself as a kind individual who values the lives and well beings of others greatly. And yet, in this game universe, nothing matters but my own survival and petty amusement.

People often say that when you live your life through the digital world, i.e. chat rooms, Facebook or video games, you often project an image of yourself that you would either like to be, or you create someone that you could or would never ever be. It's the whole idea that we can create another soul, another version of ourselves that can do whatever they want with virtually (pun intended) no consequences.

(Especially interesting, because some friends of mine, like Armie, say that they could never play an evil character, because they identify too much with their character and feel guilty about hurting or killing others inhumanely.)

Perhaps why I like my characters to be evil, to have that charming side of barbaric self-preservation is because, deep down, that's someone I could never ever be ... but perhaps someone I might want to.

What type of character are you?

New member

I haven't told you guys yet, but I recently became a proud parent ... to a brand new iPhone 3gs!! That's right, I'm writing this blog entry from my new phone. That's right, blogging on the go! Be sure to stay tuned, everybody.

The Bitch Code

"You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores" - Mean Girls.

All right, so last night me and Julien went out to karaoke with our friend Armie, along with a group of his friends from the musical he was in. I had a good time but overall the whole night was mostly ... well ... educational, to say the least.

Since I was homeschooled, I never really had much of a chance to absorb the whole typical female "culture," since most of my time was spent studying, playing music and being very very shy. I was always a bit jealous that I wasn't able to get to know lots of different girls - that I didn't get to go to high school and have that whole social clique thing that you see in different TV shows and movies. (Of course, now I know high school isn't like TV at all, but I had my fantasies.)

So the group last night had a few girls in it, most of whom were very nice. So all of us hung out last night, drinking and smoking and just chatting it up. Well, I observed something very interesting over the course of the evening that, no matter how long it went, never went away: all the girls called each other bitches, sluts and whores all night long. ALL NIGHT LONG.

Am I missing something here?

At first I thought it was just a fluke, a glip in the language of the evening ... but no, it certainly wasn't. I don't think the girls ever called each other by their first names unless someone was asking where they were. Not only the girls, the guys were doing it too. Every woman there (save for me, thank goodness, because I would've gotten pissed) was called a bitch or a skank over and over again.

What the hell?! Is that supposed to be in good fun? Because it bothers the shit out of me.

When did it become okay for women to thrive on calling each other bitches and whores? How has that become common language for girls to say to each other? I don't get it people. I seriously DON'T GET IT.

The whole thing reminded me of the movie Mean Girls with Lindsay Lohan. In it a homeschooled girl goes to high school for the first time and gets absorbed in a culture of girls who constantly berate, backstab and insult each other in order to make their lives feel slightly more meaningful. I thought it was an exaggeration, for entertainment value, but it turns out I was wrong. Girls actually speak to each other like this, on a daily basis.

I personally think it's complete bullshit. My reason? Because it's complete bullshit, people!

I don't want to spend all my time shooting others down while they do the same to me, over and over again, just so I "belong." How can that be at all productive, meaningful or genuine? It completely separates women from each other, turns us into parodies of the female experience and allows us (no, encourages us) to constantly insult each other under the guise of female stupidity. It's pathetic.

Well, I personally will never fall under this moniker. If someone calls me a bitch and I don't deserve it, I'll tell them to shove it right back up their ass. Because I'm not going to be one of those girls. Ever.

What a Trip

Whew! It's been awhile since I've been on this thing.

I'm not really surprised, considering everything I've been going through as of late. It seems like all the shit that was going down would convince me to blog even more, but it just made me crawl into a little cubby hole and hide, like a tiny mouse.

It really all had to do with my job at Heller. Seriously. I felt like this molecule that was getting smaller and smaller and smaller, til I was about to disappear into myself and never come back out again. It almost became dangerous to my physical health (why else was I sick all the time?).

Well, I got a new job a couple of weeks ago, bartending and serving at a place called Bahama Billy's in Carmel. I know it's not part of my career path, but I'm making more money working 5 hour shifts that I was working 40+ hours as the Wine Club Coordinator at Heller. The place is a lot of fun and (most of) the people there are really, really nice. The managers like me and treat me well, which is a great bonus. I finally feel like I'm being treated with respect, rather than like a child. 

In other news, my parents moved out of my childhood home to get a smaller place in San Mateo. I helped them move yesterday. It was rough. I cried a bit. When I was a kid we were always in transit - the house in Salinas was the closest I had to a home where I felt secure and in one place for longer than a year. It was hard to see it go. 

I also found out my younger sister has secretly been planning on moving to Reno to live with her new boyfriend, who I also didn't know about, without telling me or my older sister. I guess she feels we don't trust her - the hardest part is, she creates the situations where we lose trust because she's so afraid that we don't trust her. Sometimes I wish she would act like an adult and be accountable for the situations she chooses to put herself in. I'm not disappointed in what she's doing, but it is disappointing that she chooses to live in two separate realities - the ones she tells us, and the one she tells the rest of the world.

If she only realized that growing up means being honest, this whole situation would've gone a lot smoother.

I'm also getting my hair done tonight. Will post pics.

The Roommate Factor

I'm feeling a little .... conflicted at the moment. 

Me and Julien have had another couple stay with us for the past two weeks (a few more days to go). They paid a fair amount to stay here for two weeks, and they seemed perfectly nice so we thought it would go just fine. But things have gotten a little ... awkward. 

The wife (will not delve into names) seems to be really upset at me and Julien, for who knows what reason. She barely says a word to us, other than to chastise us for something we're doing that's bothering her. When she talks, she talks only to her husband and will barely acknowledge us. I personally don't feel we did anything to deserve it, especially considering all the lengths we went to to make sure the house could well accommodate them - but if we did, the worst thing she could do is the thing that she's doing ... ignoring us. I'd rather just know what the problem is and deal with it, rather than have this unnecessary tension that's slowly eating away at my brain.

I don't quite know what's going on but I'm trying to figure out the best way to approach it. The last thing I want is for her to get really upset and somehow take it out on the house (you never really know how people are going to behave until afterwards). 

You never really know people.

Why Blog?

Lately I've been having some major life transitions, mainly looking for a new job and trying to be more self-confident and reliable, and it's caused me to question quite a bit of the world around me, the things I see and the things I experience.

The one I'm questioning right now is: why blog?

Blogging is a recent phenom that's such a huge part of many people's lives. With the exception of the past few weeks, in which I have not really been present in my life AT ALL, or on this blog, blogging has really become a big part of mine. I love to let people know about my thoughts and feelings, and to read the thoughts and feelings of others. It helps me feel connected to this large and vast world that we live in.

Is that why everybody else does it? To feel connected? I certainly hope so, although I've heard differently before. I've heard many people say that blogging is for promoting oneself, promoting a company, promoting an idea ... promoting promoting promoting. Sounds like a commercial for, well, YOU. 

"Just off the rack, fresh baked Beth ready for the reading and noticing!" 

But there has to be more to it, right? So much more than just selling something for attention or profit. That just sounds narcissistic. There has to be a baser reason - the instinctual drive to know, to connect, to feel. We all want to feel something, to reach out and know that somebody's there, hearing what we say and caring about our lives. 

That's why I do it. What about you?