The Roommate Factor

I'm feeling a little .... conflicted at the moment. 

Me and Julien have had another couple stay with us for the past two weeks (a few more days to go). They paid a fair amount to stay here for two weeks, and they seemed perfectly nice so we thought it would go just fine. But things have gotten a little ... awkward. 

The wife (will not delve into names) seems to be really upset at me and Julien, for who knows what reason. She barely says a word to us, other than to chastise us for something we're doing that's bothering her. When she talks, she talks only to her husband and will barely acknowledge us. I personally don't feel we did anything to deserve it, especially considering all the lengths we went to to make sure the house could well accommodate them - but if we did, the worst thing she could do is the thing that she's doing ... ignoring us. I'd rather just know what the problem is and deal with it, rather than have this unnecessary tension that's slowly eating away at my brain.

I don't quite know what's going on but I'm trying to figure out the best way to approach it. The last thing I want is for her to get really upset and somehow take it out on the house (you never really know how people are going to behave until afterwards). 

You never really know people.

Why Blog?

Lately I've been having some major life transitions, mainly looking for a new job and trying to be more self-confident and reliable, and it's caused me to question quite a bit of the world around me, the things I see and the things I experience.

The one I'm questioning right now is: why blog?

Blogging is a recent phenom that's such a huge part of many people's lives. With the exception of the past few weeks, in which I have not really been present in my life AT ALL, or on this blog, blogging has really become a big part of mine. I love to let people know about my thoughts and feelings, and to read the thoughts and feelings of others. It helps me feel connected to this large and vast world that we live in.

Is that why everybody else does it? To feel connected? I certainly hope so, although I've heard differently before. I've heard many people say that blogging is for promoting oneself, promoting a company, promoting an idea ... promoting promoting promoting. Sounds like a commercial for, well, YOU. 

"Just off the rack, fresh baked Beth ready for the reading and noticing!" 

But there has to be more to it, right? So much more than just selling something for attention or profit. That just sounds narcissistic. There has to be a baser reason - the instinctual drive to know, to connect, to feel. We all want to feel something, to reach out and know that somebody's there, hearing what we say and caring about our lives. 

That's why I do it. What about you?

Job and Life: Update

Wow, the past (however long I haven't written since) has been insane. I'm currently training the new Wine Club Coordinator, and couldn't be happier about it. Every time I teach her something I realize that it's something I'll never have to do again, and I feel better about it every time it happens. I have two more days of training her and then I'm done.
As far as getting a new job goes, I'm in the final throes of getting hired at a restaurant in Cannery Row. I'll make good money there and the people seem really nice. I have a final interview tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I have the job.
I feel so good right now ... I feel more in control of my life than I have in awhile. I feel like I stood up to a tank and said DO NOT PASS. I've needed to feel this for a long time now.
I'll let you know whether or not I got the job ... and I promise I'll FINALLY post some new pics of my new house.

Beth
p.s. last Saturday my family and I put our dog, Misha, to sleep. She had been with us for 13 years, and it was really hard to see her go ... but we didn't want her to suffer in pain anymore.

The life I lead

Wow, it's been awhile since my last post. I'm not surprised, it's been a rough couple of weeks. But all is going to be better now, I just know it. 

I finally got the courage to quit my job. I've been thinking about it for months now, and I finally did it. I'd been having a rough time there and I feel like it was becoming the wrong environment for me. I was no longer Wine Club Coordinator - instead I felt like  as assistant to my own position, having to take orders without any control over anything. I felt powerless and alone. It got to the point where I was crying almost every day at work, sobbing in the bathroom. It wasn't healthy for me or for my loved ones.

Not to mention the fact that my schoolwork has been suffering, which my teacher had even told me on Thursday. Well, she didn't say it was suffering, per se, rather that I didn't seem like my usual self as of late. By the way, I found out that if I take one certain class at college this fall, I'll qualify as a transfer for San Diego State University, my dream school. I wouldn't be able to take the class if I was still working the 8:30am-5pm.

I'm still going to work there for awhile as a Tasting Room host, just so I have a guaranteed job, but I'm currently looking for something else that's closer to home for the nights. I don't quite know what the future will bring, but I'm optimistic. I'll keep you posted on how things go.

Warcraft Update: Hooray!

While on vacation Julien told me that he was quitting Warcraft COMPLETELY for awhile - was completely his decision, too. Yippee! I'm really happy, for both him and myself. There are so many amazing things he could do with his time, and hopefully now he'll finally be able to see and appreciate that.He was actually up for about 3 hours the night before writing a story. Unfortunately he ended up getting sick the next day ....

Pics from the trip!

As promised, here are some pics from the trip to Gualala! As you can see, the weather was absolutely beautiful. We had such a wonderful time. 

Flat tire

Just found out I have a flat tire .... pretty lame. Currently waiting to hear if it can be repaired or if it has to be replaced. Not the best addition to the trip, but hey, it could be a lot worse ;).

p.s. Julien looks really cute changing a tire!

Live in Gualala!

Hello all! I'm currently reporting from a little internet cafe in beautiful Gualala, CA. The weather is absolutely perfect, my boyfriend is absolutely perfect and I'm having the best time. It's been the perfect vacation - I can't believe I still have two whole days! 

I'll post some pics when I get back.

Send me on my way

As if moving into my new house wasn't perfect enough, tomorrow I'm heading out on my vacation! I'm going to Gualala, CA, a small little town about 2 1/2 hours north of San Francisco, right on the coast. My aunt and uncle have a vacation house there and they're letting me use it. Me and Jules have been planning this for months, and finally we get to go! I'm so excited ... work has been really stressful and I could really use a break.
What I love the most about Gualala, other than the fact that it's gorgeous and we don't have to pay for a room, is the isolation. Cell phones don't work there and there's no internet at the house. That means that for five days I'll be completely cut off from the rest of the world, and it's really exciting. It's a freeing feeling.
There are two cafes with internet access in town - I might go there once or twice over the weekend and update this blog about the trip ... but I can't make any promises ;).
I'll be back next week!

Warcraft Update

Good news: me and my boyfriend had a serious talk yesterday after he mentioned that his mom had told him I was upset about the night before. He promised me that he would only "raid" every 2 weeks if I promised that those nights could be just for him, which is fine with me because there are nights where I like to keep to myself. So that made me feel a lot better.

Rant about Warcraft

I normally don't like to hate things. It makes me feel ugly and small. I much prefer to try and be understanding, which doesn't always work. This is one of those times.
I hate that my boyfriend plays Warcraft. Hate hate hate hate hate. And I don't know how to tell him. I've tried so hard to be gentle and compassionate, then upfront, and then pissed off, but I'm seriously at my wit's end. I'm afraid that if it continues and he doesn't follow through on his promise to change, it's going to be an ever-growing wedge between us. I don't want that, and I don't think he realizes just how much it's happening.
Last night was our last night in our little house before moving next door. I wanted to spend some time with him, cuddle a bit in our little house. He told me he would be finished by 10pm, 10:30 at the latest, and I said I would wait up for him. Well, I did, and he wasn't finished, because his friends were late in "showing up" and it was taking "longer than he anticipated." I ended up staying up until 11:30 for him and he never got off the fucking computer. I think he was on there until past midnight, which he promised me wouldn't happen anymore.
I talked to his mom about it this morning and she said she's had it with his addictive game behavior. I think she's going to have a serious talk with him, which is good, because apparently he isn't listening to me, no matter how hard I try.
I hate Warcraft.

new house!

Moving into my new digs today. Goodbye to the little house! I wish I'd take more pictures of it. Julien's parents are needing to stay with us for a week or two because there was a storm, meaning they can't bring their new boat up from Santa Barbara.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention, the house we're moving into is the one Julien's parents used to rent, right next door to ours! It's been the easiest move I've ever had.
I'll show you some footage of the new house as soon as it looks presentable, i.e. without a bunch of boxes clogging up the works.

Barefoot and pregnant

I just read this appalling article online: Women's Right to Vote, the Beginning or the End of America? The person who wrote it actually had the audacity to claim that women shouldn't vote, because they are too emotional to really know what they're doing. And by giving women the right to vote, America is heading on a downward spiral of doom.
Well, I was so stricken by the hell-hole that is this article, that I posted what I considered to be a logically-based argument against his misguided theory. Make sure to read the article before reading my response, otherwise you might not understand:

Dear Writer,

I'm not going to assume your education level, religion, even your gender - I'm just going to speak to you as a person. Your claim that men are ruled by logic and women are ruled by emotion is weak, misguided and completely ridiculous, both scientifically and philosophically.
You do realize that every motivation, regardless of any physical characteristic, including gender, comes from a personal, subjective standpoint ... which is, guess what, emotional. It is impossible for anybody to be completely logical, because logic implies a complete lack of meaning, response or personal interest.
And before you claim that those are "women's words," those ideas are philosophical findings that were introduced by men far before women had any rights apart from their fathers or husbands. These philosophical concepts were reinforced by scientific research into the brain that was introduced, again by men, in the mid 19th century.
In addition, the idea of the word "emotion" (and all that's attributed to it) is merely an umbrella term for any physiological response that the brain provides in order to assist in a reaction to outside stimuli. That's the very definition of logical thought: see, process, respond.
So in retrospect, are emotions logical or are logistics emotional?
Maybe you should do a little more research before ranting about something you don't understand.

Signed,
Anonymous
p.s. I suppose you feel like slavery should still exist, too.

Survey

Found this on Lady Croissant.

what is your current obsession?
The weekend.

what are you wearing now?
Libertine for Target button-up blouse, black mid-waist pants, my red robot socks, Camper sneakers and a yellow fedora with the tag cut out. This entire outfit only cost me $8 (for the hat, everything was was hand-me-downs or gifts).

do you nap a lot?
No, because my mind is always way too busy.

why is today special?
Because it's Friday and I get to pack for the move this weekend!

what would you like to learn to do?
I want to perfect my French before I learn anything else.

what's for dinner?
Je ne sais pas. I might cook up that gnocchi I've been saving, grab some gorgonzola from the store and cook it with some veggies. Sounds pretty yummy. Jules will be jealous.

what was the last thing you bought?
Groceries. So exciting.

what are you listening to right now?
An air condition. I really should turn on some music.

what is your favorite weather?
Depends on my mood. It's a beautiful sunny day today and I'm loving it.

what is on your bedside table?
Don't have one right now.

what's your style?
Hmm ... I would say a mix of boho and preppy. I like to mix things up. Oh, and I always like wearing a bit (or a lot!) of color. Hence, the hat.

what is your most challenging goal right now?
To clear this little debt I have from having to replace all the brakes in my stupid car.

say something to the person who tagged you.
Nobody tagged me, I volunteered for this little thing.

if you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where do you want it to be?
Paris.

favorite vacation spot?
Gualala. Going there next week!

name the things you cannot live without.
Life, love and edamame.

what would you like to have in your hands right now?
My boyfriend.

what would you like to get rid of?
My debt.

what was the last book you read?
Technically it was my French textbook. Don't have much time for reading, my dear.

if you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Home. Sleep.

what language do you want to be able to speak?
I think I've already established that.

why did you start blogging?
Because it's fun!

Nameless

(this was inspired by the story of Rumplestiltskin, as assignment for my Creative Writing class, as well as some other things going on in my life.)

Nameless

You give everything
and still I don't know you.

You take everything
and still I don't know you.

You dance in fields,
laughing, shouting.
I watch from the darkness
like a stranger.

Two Things

I've had a crazy week, which is why I haven't been writing. I'm really really really really tired now. Here's what's been going on:

1. I had to take my car in to get my brakes fixed. I figured I probably should after they would screech when I accelerate and shake when I braked. 2 days of crappy sleep and $500 bucks later and I have my car back, good as new. The only downside is the bad brakes really took a toll on my two rear tires, which I have to replace now. Gonna cost another $200 bucks or so. Yippee. Luckily I get to sleep in my own bed tonight and use my own car in the morning. I've been staying at my parents because my repair shop of choice is in their town and my boyfriend currently doesn't have a car.
2. The 'avant-green' fashion event that I've been planning for 2 months happened last night. I've got to tell you, I'm so glad it's over! It was fun, but I am exhausted. The models were great, except one didn't show up. The problem I had was with my fellow volunteers. I had to show up at 5:00 because I worked, and when I got there it was like there were no volunteers helping the models, even though at least two of them were assigned JUST to help them. I had to drag people in to help me just to keep everything going. And then I kept having to drag them over the course of the entire night, which sucked for me, because I wanted to relax at least a little bit. But no, I'm not allowed that luxury. Overall the event was a success, but it really battered the crap out of me.

Virginity

I recently came across a blog entry in The Daily Beast (not something I typically read, mind you) written by "Natalie Dylan," the self-proclaimed virgin who's about to collect almost $4 million dollars by selling her virginity online. This article spewed out a few fancy trigger words like "experiment" and "oppression," but the main point of the article, perhaps one she did not intend, says this: if we're seen as objects, we should become objects, that way we can get a little extra cash.
In the article, "Natalie" mentions how society has always viewed virginity as a valued commodity, i.e. fathers would sell their virginal daughters for profit and status, which is true. That's not what bothers me, although it essentially does ... but that's for another article. It's the next part that bothers me. She says that she considers herself independent for taking that tradition and "flipping it" so that she's benefiting from it financially instead of some man. Now, that's the part that isn't true.
She isn't flipping it, she's helping it.
By selling her virginity online in such a crude and lucrative way, "Natalie" is perpetuating a ludicrous and sexist system that only serves to continue viewing women as objects to be purchased. "Natalie" is creating a bad example for young women everywhere - that, as long as we live in crooked times, we should accept what we're given and milk it for all it's worth. Those kind of things never turn out well, both principally and emotionally.
Am I the only one who sees the heartlessness is this?
Now, I'm not advocating for treating your virginity like some priceless artifact that needs to be handed over to your dear husband for him to put on his shelf. But I do believe that one's virginity is something that is personal, private and should be shared with someone who matters to you. Not some John Doe with an extra mil or two to spare.

It happens everywhere

Read this article about the atrocities of sexual violence happening in Congo right now. This article made me physically sick to my stomach, but it's something that everybody should read. It just shows how bad things can get when we don't work to stop sexual abuse and violence.

Women in Congo Speak Out About Rape

The neverending awesomeness ...

Despite the fact that, generally, I consider myself to be a lucky person (I once won a hot air balloon ride by entering a free contest at Safeway), I've never really had good luck with computers. My (now) previous laptop was no exception. I bought it less than 2 years ago and since then it has probably been at the Best Buy repair center more than I've ever had it at home! It's been a never-ending stream of small problems and little annoyances, like a broken wireless button or 2 small dots of light on the screen that would never go away. Thank goodness for my 3-year Geek Squad plan, or this computer would've seen the hard end of a bat months ago.
Anyway, after the 4th time of having to send it in for repairs, I finally got annoyed enough to request a no-lemon policy, which would allow me to get a new computer. The Geek Squad guys didn't go for it at first, but I wouldn't back down, and they finally relented and sent in the request. Last Thursday I got a call saying it had been approved! I went it straight after work on Friday to collect on my one piece of computer good fortune that I'd had in years.
This is the part where it gets good.
So I went in to Best Buy, expecting to get a newer version of the computer (which I would've been happy with, since my old laptop was only 1g and the average one was 4g now). Instead, they told me that I would get a credit that I could use toward whatever new laptop I wanted. I got scared for a minute, because my computer was way passe. I bought it for $800 but feared I wouldn't get more than $400.
Well, next thing you know, the Geek Squad guy tells me that, since the average price of the laptop was $791, that was the price they were going to give me. Can you believe that?! I was stunned. He told me that I could get any laptop for up to that price. Hmm ... well, I tried another approach.
Let me introduce this next section by saying that I'd always wanted a MacBook, but could never afford it.
I asked the guy if I could use some of my money and get an upgrade, and sure thing, he said yes! So I went straight over to the Mac section, found the MacBook of my dreams and picked it right up. After over an hour of tweaking the cash register, the total for my laptop finally came up ... including tax, $580. A hell of a lot better than $1300, I'll tell you that!
One more thing. Despite the fact that my Geek Squad rep told me that I could transfer the one year remaining on my warranty, the guys upstairs said that I couldn't. However, to make up for all the shit I had to go through, they offered to pay for half of a new plan. I didn't want to spend much, and figured I could buy a new policy later, so I decided to go for the $100 accidental coverage to go with my manufacturer warranty.
Well, just as you know it, the guy ringing me up accidentally comped me for the entire warranty! Afterwards, he said that he was too tired to undo it and didn't care, so he gave it to me. So, in essense, I DID get my one-year policy transferred to my new laptop! Isn't life great?
So that's my happy ending. And you know what? After all the crap the last computer put me through, I tell you what, I deserve it :).

RapeLay

It's hard to imagine anyone trying to make rape positive. To me, rape is one of those subjects that will never be funny, amusing or good in any way. I was outright disgusted when South Park did an episode that depicted Indiana Jones getting raped, and wrote quite an opinionated entry about it in my former Myspace blog. I honestly thought I couldn't witness anything worse than that in popular culture.
I should've known better.
Meet 'RapeLay', an underground Japanese eroge video game ... or as it's often referred to, a rape simulator. That's right, a rape simulator.
The sole purpose of this game is to play a wealthy man who was accused of being a pervert years ago, and is now taking his revenge by raping a series of women without getting caught. Yes, he's the protagonist. You go through a series of interactive scenes that guide you to "corner" women and rape them. Apparently they struggle at first, but then start to enjoy it. Because all women secretly enjoy being raped, right?
The United States is considering banning it, but since it's not publicly available at any American stores, real or online, it probably won't end up happening. Besides, any idiot can download it through to their system.
This kind of mentality about sexual violence is just another piece of the puzzle that creates tolerance of domestic abuse and rape. We as a society need to look at rape, sexual violence and domestic abuse and really see it, rather than just know it's there. Because if more Rihanna / Chris Brown situations continue to happen, especially because he'll most likely get off on parole without serving any jail time, then we're looking at a cultural disease that we won't be able to cure.
Say no to rape.